More thoughts on the hair... with pictures!

(For earlier post about hair, click here)

So in all this thinking about my hair, I dug up some old pictures. And they are reminding me of good, funny times. As my earlier post said, I shaved my head bald while living in Berkeley in 1994. A few good stories and thoughts must now come out of me...

It was a whim. I saw a woman in Berkeley with a shaved head, and the thought of it seemed so crazy. I've been fairly good at recognizing when are good moments to just "f@ck it" and go for something you know is crazy. This was one of those times. I had 7 months until graduate school started at USC. And it's just hair. So, bam! I shaved it off.

Coincidentally, my parents called me a few days later and invited me to come to Colorado to visit, they pay. How could I say no? So, before I went, I said "Everything is OK, but I have to tell you something..." Long pause... "Um, I shaved my head bald." Instantly on the other line I hear I hear a loud deep sigh and "Oh thank god I thought you were going to tell us you were pregnant." Hilarious laughter! I was 24, not dating anyone. That was their first thought.

So then I flew to visit them, and when I walked in the door, my parents and their two great friends (who I also knew from childhood) were wearing flesh colored stockings on their heads, so everyone looked BALD! My parents have always been awesome when it comes to humor.

Next story... I would have made a great lesbian. I've always been an "aspiring lesbian" but it's just never been my thing. Yea, I had sex with a girl in college (and I've been to college 3 different times now, and I'm not saying which!) but, well, I fell in love with my husband, and that remains incredibly strong. But seriously, I can rock the look!

I got a job at Buffalo Exchange in Berkeley, on Telegraph Avenue. They loved the bald look. I got an piercing and they didn't blink an eye (pun intended, it was an eye ring loop, can you see it in the pictures?) I loved Buffalo Exchange. My first real contact with the gay community was while I lived in Berkeley and worked at Buffalo Exchange. I was free, felt free, and they allowed me freedom to explore myself. Good times.

While in Berkeley I found out I had an interview with USC Ph.D. program in Social Psychology. I went down to visit, completely freaked out that I had shaved my head. This was a rigorous, competitive program, only 15 students were accepted that year. I wore cute hats (thank you Buffalo Exchange!) In the end, I think it worked in my favor. I was well qualified, but so were the hundreds who applied and didn't get in. I think ultimately it made me more interesting, unique, and schools are looking for that.

Finally, I met my husband about a month after I shaved my head. I was living in Berkeley with his sister, a friend I met in Spain while living abroad my junior year of high school. She was from Chicago, I from Houston, and we became incredibly close, which continues into adulthood. He was living in Los Angeles and took an Amtrak train to visit for a weekend for spring break. I will never forget when he walked down the stairs out of that train station. All I saw were his eyes. His amazing blue eyes. He loved my craziness. Loved the short hair. Loved rebellious women. And I loved his eyes.

The weekend I met my hubby!

Thank you for the outpouring of support

I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support on my Facebook page of my posts about preparing for brain surgery. It's been extremely moving. It's been making me think of how we are all connected, linked, in such obvious and completely yet unknown ways. And I can't get this article out of my mind. Read it and look at the pictures as you scroll down. It's the universe. I can't help but see the similarities of images of neural networks, vascular networks I've seen... The universe is in, and between, all of us. 

"Computer models tell us that those galaxy clusters are linked by long filaments of hot gas and dark matter — a mystery substance that we can't see because it doesn't radiate or scatter light but that makes up most of the web."

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/astronomers-capture-first-image-mysterious-180000277.html?soc_src=mediacontentsharebuttons

I'm having brain surgery in 8 months, And all I can think about is my HAIR?

I learned late last fall that I am very likely to have brain surgery in about 8 months to do what is a called a "clipping" of my smaller aneurysm.  A craniotomy type brain surgery, as in saw-off-a-square-of-my-scull-and-take-it-off  type brain surgery. I had brain surgery on my larger one, but it was done by an interventional neuro-radiologist via the femoral artery in the groin of all places. No skull cutting.

So after the Wow, some fear, and of course, the immediate Oh shit! What if things go wrong? thoughts, I'm stuck on one stream. I can't stop thinking about my hair of all things. When my neurosurgeon described the shaving off a big swath of my scalp in the front of my head, I didn't really think much at the moment. I've shaved my head completely bald before, for fun. It was back in 1994, when I was 23, living it up in Berkeley before moving to Los Angeles for graduate school. My hair was very long back then. Like to mid-back long. And on a bit of a whim, I decided to shave it bald, in the spirit of Berkeley. It felt awesome, was extremely liberating to get rid of all my hair and I loved short hair so much I kept it either close to shaved or extremely short for most of my 20s and 30s. Then I turned 40 and for some reason got an itch-up-my-ass to grow it long again. So I started, and didn't stop, and now it's just felt right to have long hair again. I really like this long hair that I hated in my younger years.

So now, the thought of cutting it is disturbing me. I'll lose this part of 'me' I've come to really like. But why am I focussing on my hair of all things? It seems ridiculous in the face of the much more serious questions and worries about post-surgery recover and possibilities, positive or negative. Perhaps chemo treated cancer patients have this silly worry in the face of much more serious issues. 

I wonder if I can come up with some cool 1/2 shaved 1/2 long haircut? Or maybe donate my locks since they are so long? Or just rock a completely shaved head again for awhile, show my scars proudly as a survivor who's a thrivor? No hair might feel nice. Start over. It'll feel fresh, nice, like getting your braces off. But this is 8 months away, and such and a minor part of the whole process. WTF?

My aneurysm

I'm starting this blog to help me through this process. It's selfish, since I know I'm going to need help and support in the process, and I think talking about this helps me somehow for some reason. But I also know that I get positive feedback from my "TMI" approach, that people like hearing my stories. So, perhaps others might get something from this as well. I'm going to make some life changes, health changes, other changes, to really prepare for this surgery, so I'm in the best possible position to heal as quickly as possible, so I can keep rockin' on with this awesome life adventure. So, this is the first of what may be a few, or many, posts. We'll see.

We can journey together. Love to you all.