A little history...

I thought it might be good to say a little about the history of this aneurysm and why I'm having surgery in September, and not now, or sooner.

Doctors found my large aneurysm in 2009 by accident. I had no symptoms. It was found by chance on a brain scan I was having for another - unrelated - reason. And doctors saw the aneurysm. I had coiling probably a month later to repair that large 1cm aneurysm.

Then after I moved to San Diego in 2010 I had a follow up brain angiogram and the doctors here noticed I had a small 2mm aneurysm in a nearby location to the other. I don't know why the initial doctors, who I trusted greatly, didn't mention this smaller one; perhaps they were distracted by the very large one. I don't know. But my current neurosurgeon has been "keeping an eye" on this smaller one in the yearly brain angiograms I've had since 2011. It has not changed. But, it's not in a good place. And it's an aneurysm in my brain.

My neurosurgeon recently evaluated my case with two other neurosurgeons at UCSD. One is the head of neurosurgery there, and at least two are from John's Hopkins (including mine), an amazing medical center. Two out of those three suggested I have surgery now. The other recommended "wait and see" if the aneurysm grows.

It is not likely that anything is imminently going to happen, but there is always a risk of aneurysm rupture (about 1% per year, getting more as you age), and the surgery is a more or less "permanent fix" to the situation, and I can go on to live a long healthy happy life into old age until I die of something else.


But lets be honest. I have mental health issues. I'm working hard lately to finally NOT have mental health issues, but I have some mortality issues because of some of my early experiences with loved ones dying. And I have a lot of fears that I live with daily about this aneurysm, which I try to be very "Zen" about, but man, I would really rather be thinking of other things. And I'd like to be free of that mental clutter. And I don't want my husband, my family or Dante to worry and have their own fears.


Again, there is nothing immediately wrong with me. So, I am "waiting" until September to have the surgery, which combines a bit of all of the advice. 

As my mom said, when she was trying to grasp this whole thing, said insightfully, "It is kinda like what Angelina Jolie did. You do it to prevent something horrible from happening." Yes there are risks to what I'm doing. But I have great doctors and this procedure has been around a long time and has been greatly improved in modern times.

So I am doing this after I graduate from Acupuncture school in late August (2014, this year!). My acupuncture license exam is February (2015), so that leaves plenty of time to recover and be thriving again for Licensure. Then, it's starting acupuncture practice. Lots coming up, lots of life to live. So, I'm having this surgery to I can keep living this awesome life without the fears, or the actuality, of the unmentionable happening.

This is my start.
 
After moving forward from my hair ruminations, here is what I have so far set before me to accomplish in this process. 

• Get a therapist on board. I have a history of Major Depression and I want to maintain my current good mental health throughout this process. This is more of a preventative measure than to solve anything in particular. I did that last week, and am happy to have this in place.  

• Meditate 10 minutes a day. Silent meditation. Count from 1-10 and then 10-1 with the breath. I do this about 3 times a week, but really want to do it 10. Everything I have ever heard or read about meditation shows its physical, mental and spiritual benefits. It’s a no-brainer, and I’m using this to finally make me develop a consistent Meditation Practice.

• Exercise more regularly. I am generally active, but like everyone, I sit for too many hours in a row, too many days in a row... Ideally I would be doing a lot, but to begin, I am going to walk one hour 3 times a week. I probably do 15 minute walks 3 times a week, but I need some duration.

• Understand the current research knowledge on why aneurysms develop, whether there are people pursuing avenues to prevent formation, reduce rupture rates? What’s the deal with the current Western scientific knowledge on aneurysms? Should I be taking any particular vitamins, etc. to “strengthen my vessels”. What does that even mean?

• Research from a Chinese Medical position what is thinking on the above questions as well.

• Visit a nutritionist for nutritional counseling related to the above research issues, to learn more about recommendations and knowledge for people with history of aneurysm development, growth and rupture.

• Develop a “Paper” on my findings, run it by my neurosurgeon (who’s also a professor at UCSD medical school) and get his opinion. Perhaps take him to lunch. Ultimately, I would like to see if there are any broader recommendations or “You might want to consider doing...” for people with a history of aneurysm development, growth and/or rupture. My initial inquiries into all this is that the few resources that exist are scattered, and there is nothing pulled together in this way for people like me. Why not develop that in the process, right? Upwards of 5% of the population have been found to have aneurysms (ranges vary from 2-5%). 30,000 a YEAR have hemorrhagic strokes from aneurysm rupture. The death rates for those 30,000 a YEAR strokes/ruptures are crazy high. If you are lucky to survive you will likely have severe disabilities. Here’s my takehome: This is a condition with very HIGH stakes. And there are 10s and 10s of thousands of people affected by this. I’m totally not alone here, and I think it’d be super helpful for those of us who are lucky to find these suckers before they rupture to have more information. It’s kind of a big deal and it sure would be nice if there’d be more specific information out there.