Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Telling my 10 year old I'm having brain surgery
We told Dante last week I was having brain surgery. Here's what a 10 year old worries about. He said with a tear in his eye, "I hope they don't damage your hippocampus. I'm scared you might not be you." For the rest of us, the hippocampus is a part of your brain that is known for storing memories. Kids are so deep. I assured him they are not going near the hippocampus. He had a sense of relief. He's also looking forward to Friday mainly because it's the day a new Kendama is coming in the mail. Go figure, kids can hold both things at the same time in their hearts and minds. This is a crazy experience. Thanks again to all of you for your love and support, all the little and big stuff has really been making a difference. Hugs! Friday is the day.
Friday, August 22, 2014
It's ON! My brain surgery in 1 week.
It's happening, finally. Next Friday, August, 29, 2014. 11:30 a.m. UCSD Hillcrest, San Diego. Earth. I've spent alot of time preparing for this mentally. I have to say, I am feeling really great about the whole thing.
I wasn't feeling that great a couple weeks ago, but I had a visit with my Therapist and it pivoted me into a more positive space.
I'm floored by all the generous support by my community of support via the GoFundMe fundraising campaign. More than $2800 raised in less than a month. You can check that out here if you haven't seen it. Because of that, I am calmed knowing I can get what I need.
I've been able to spend $50 on grass fed bones for bone broth. According to Chinese Medical theory, bones, especially those that contain marrow are good for your bones and your brain. I got a whole bull femur. Cut that sucker up. Boiling it for hours and hours. $50 on bones is expensive, but I knew I could afford it, thanks to your help. I also spent $50 on small glass tupperware for the bone broth. I am bringing it to the hospital to drink atleast once a day, instead of only that crap apple juice they have (which I'm sure I will gladly drink as well!)Really, this makes a difference, and I am calmed knowing I can do many things I wouldn't do normally, thanks to your support.
I had my final anethesia clearance appointment today - all clear - but going to the hospital got me feeling nervous, anxious. I tried deep breathing, but I am planning on getting a $60 massage at a great Korean massage place my mom goes to in El Cajon area. Also know I a can afford, no problem, thanks to your help.
I've booked 4 acupuncture appointments for the weeks after I get home. I'm working with the UCSD Acupuncture center to get acupuncture while I am in the hospital, as well as some massage and healing touch. Love UCSD! All this acupuncture I can afford no problem, thanks to your help.
I feel incredibly fortunate that this aneurysm was found, and is fixable. Yes, I'm scared of having this surgery, of feeling shitty afterwards, of any complications, and of course, in the back of my head, the unmentionable. But my mom helped feel confident of this kind of radical surgery when I told her about the surgery. She compared it to what Angelina Jolie did... something drastic to avoid something even more horrible. The avoidance of something actually possible with a preventative surgery isn't crazy in these kinds of serious, life and death, situations. Living with an untreated aneurysm is a mind-fuck, pardon the French. Every moment might be your last and you know that very intimately. Every twinge of a headache triggers a moment of panic. And in the case of aneurysms, it isn't that many weeks that pass that I don't hear of people dying from aneurysm rupture. Martha Sterwart's sister, for god's sake, died of an aneurysm rupture recently. I have something in common with Martha Stewart... who would ever have thought!?!
I am one of the fortunate ones. They found this before it is giving me any problems. I'm relatively young. I'm healthy. I live at a time when this problem can be treated successfully. I plan on surviving and thriving, and fulfill my responsibility to the universe to the best I can be. I am lucky. I am a bunch of stardust that congealed and is alive, thinking, in love, always an optimist. Stardust can form into optimism. Trip on that. That is actually what is happening. Wow.
Thanks for all your support and well wishes. It helps to feel a community wrapped around me at such an intense time. Love and hugs to everyone.
I wasn't feeling that great a couple weeks ago, but I had a visit with my Therapist and it pivoted me into a more positive space.
I'm floored by all the generous support by my community of support via the GoFundMe fundraising campaign. More than $2800 raised in less than a month. You can check that out here if you haven't seen it. Because of that, I am calmed knowing I can get what I need.
I've been able to spend $50 on grass fed bones for bone broth. According to Chinese Medical theory, bones, especially those that contain marrow are good for your bones and your brain. I got a whole bull femur. Cut that sucker up. Boiling it for hours and hours. $50 on bones is expensive, but I knew I could afford it, thanks to your help. I also spent $50 on small glass tupperware for the bone broth. I am bringing it to the hospital to drink atleast once a day, instead of only that crap apple juice they have (which I'm sure I will gladly drink as well!)Really, this makes a difference, and I am calmed knowing I can do many things I wouldn't do normally, thanks to your support.
I had my final anethesia clearance appointment today - all clear - but going to the hospital got me feeling nervous, anxious. I tried deep breathing, but I am planning on getting a $60 massage at a great Korean massage place my mom goes to in El Cajon area. Also know I a can afford, no problem, thanks to your help.
I've booked 4 acupuncture appointments for the weeks after I get home. I'm working with the UCSD Acupuncture center to get acupuncture while I am in the hospital, as well as some massage and healing touch. Love UCSD! All this acupuncture I can afford no problem, thanks to your help.
I feel incredibly fortunate that this aneurysm was found, and is fixable. Yes, I'm scared of having this surgery, of feeling shitty afterwards, of any complications, and of course, in the back of my head, the unmentionable. But my mom helped feel confident of this kind of radical surgery when I told her about the surgery. She compared it to what Angelina Jolie did... something drastic to avoid something even more horrible. The avoidance of something actually possible with a preventative surgery isn't crazy in these kinds of serious, life and death, situations. Living with an untreated aneurysm is a mind-fuck, pardon the French. Every moment might be your last and you know that very intimately. Every twinge of a headache triggers a moment of panic. And in the case of aneurysms, it isn't that many weeks that pass that I don't hear of people dying from aneurysm rupture. Martha Sterwart's sister, for god's sake, died of an aneurysm rupture recently. I have something in common with Martha Stewart... who would ever have thought!?!
I am one of the fortunate ones. They found this before it is giving me any problems. I'm relatively young. I'm healthy. I live at a time when this problem can be treated successfully. I plan on surviving and thriving, and fulfill my responsibility to the universe to the best I can be. I am lucky. I am a bunch of stardust that congealed and is alive, thinking, in love, always an optimist. Stardust can form into optimism. Trip on that. That is actually what is happening. Wow.
Thanks for all your support and well wishes. It helps to feel a community wrapped around me at such an intense time. Love and hugs to everyone.
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