I'm having brain surgery in 8 months, And all I can think about is my HAIR?

I learned late last fall that I am very likely to have brain surgery in about 8 months to do what is a called a "clipping" of my smaller aneurysm.  A craniotomy type brain surgery, as in saw-off-a-square-of-my-scull-and-take-it-off  type brain surgery. I had brain surgery on my larger one, but it was done by an interventional neuro-radiologist via the femoral artery in the groin of all places. No skull cutting.

So after the Wow, some fear, and of course, the immediate Oh shit! What if things go wrong? thoughts, I'm stuck on one stream. I can't stop thinking about my hair of all things. When my neurosurgeon described the shaving off a big swath of my scalp in the front of my head, I didn't really think much at the moment. I've shaved my head completely bald before, for fun. It was back in 1994, when I was 23, living it up in Berkeley before moving to Los Angeles for graduate school. My hair was very long back then. Like to mid-back long. And on a bit of a whim, I decided to shave it bald, in the spirit of Berkeley. It felt awesome, was extremely liberating to get rid of all my hair and I loved short hair so much I kept it either close to shaved or extremely short for most of my 20s and 30s. Then I turned 40 and for some reason got an itch-up-my-ass to grow it long again. So I started, and didn't stop, and now it's just felt right to have long hair again. I really like this long hair that I hated in my younger years.

So now, the thought of cutting it is disturbing me. I'll lose this part of 'me' I've come to really like. But why am I focussing on my hair of all things? It seems ridiculous in the face of the much more serious questions and worries about post-surgery recover and possibilities, positive or negative. Perhaps chemo treated cancer patients have this silly worry in the face of much more serious issues. 

I wonder if I can come up with some cool 1/2 shaved 1/2 long haircut? Or maybe donate my locks since they are so long? Or just rock a completely shaved head again for awhile, show my scars proudly as a survivor who's a thrivor? No hair might feel nice. Start over. It'll feel fresh, nice, like getting your braces off. But this is 8 months away, and such and a minor part of the whole process. WTF?

My aneurysm

I'm starting this blog to help me through this process. It's selfish, since I know I'm going to need help and support in the process, and I think talking about this helps me somehow for some reason. But I also know that I get positive feedback from my "TMI" approach, that people like hearing my stories. So, perhaps others might get something from this as well. I'm going to make some life changes, health changes, other changes, to really prepare for this surgery, so I'm in the best possible position to heal as quickly as possible, so I can keep rockin' on with this awesome life adventure. So, this is the first of what may be a few, or many, posts. We'll see.

We can journey together. Love to you all.